COUNTRY COMFORT
One morning on our little dairy farm, I woke with a smile, waiting to see what the day had to bring. I love to listen to the cows mooing, the pigs squealing and the dogs barking. These kinds of things are what make me want to get up in the morning. After rising from my bedside, I looked out my window and watched as the rays of sun melted the dew from the beautiful green corn leaves. As I scanned the corn fields, I saw deer running around the hay field playing games with each other. As I watched the playful creatures, I prepared myself to make my way out into the world I call home. This introductory paragraph is almost too quant for words. I love it!
Before I made it out in to the rays of glowing sunlight, I could hear the calves awaiting my arrival. As I proceeded outside, all the calves in the calf barn turned to me with their ears perked and their faces full of excitement. They all began to cry, telling me to hurry up, they were hungry. I made it to the calf barn and by this time every one of them was jumping with excitement. I prepared the warm, creamy milk and fed the first calf. It appreciated that I had picked it first, while the others were a little jealous, but they knew I was going to feed them as well. Once, they had their milk they were all very pleased with what they had ate, even though itís what they had been eating everyday, twice a day. It never fails to please them. To top off their main course meal of warm milk, I made sure they all received a hand full of grain. This topped their bellies off, which and in return, one of the calves thanked me with a lick on the hand. As I left the barn, I knew that all of them were happy because they laid lay quietly in their pens, but I heard the pigsí squealing from the pig barn.
I made my way to the pig pen where, while I was feeding the calves I could hear d the big old sows screaming. The sows met me at the gate with their big smiles. They were sticking their big old noses over the gates acting as if they wanted me to shovel the feed right in to their mouths You use ‘big’ a little too much here. So, I grab bed their feed pans and scooped their feed into the pans. As I did this, the sows were really excited, swaying side to side anticipating where I was going to place the first feed pan. As I approached the squealing swine, their eyes enlarge and their squeals became louder, almost as if I was someone famous to them. I placed the first pan in the pen, where the older sow pushed her way to the pan as the other ones moved out of her way. I proceeded to place the other pans in the pen; where as the other sows began to take their places in front of their very own pan This paragraph is getting a little hard to visualize, I think the word choice needs to be a little clearer to get across what you are trying to say.. They pushed and shoved each other, almost as if it was an eating contest. Once they completed their corn, soybean and mineral meal, I removed the pans from in front of them. As I left the barn, I checked to make sure they had cold, clean, crisp water to keep their immense bodies cool from the bright sun. They all oink at me, thanking me for breakfast.
”Now, down to the big white barn”, I thought to myself smiling and whistling. I opened the door and there were all the cows, chewing their cuds just waiting patiently to be milked. All of a sudden I heard the feed cart start. I watched as my dad loaded the cart up with feed and distribute it to all the happy cows in the barn. As I watched my dad, he spoke to me saying, ìJosh go pull out the milkers, weíll get started milking here in a minute.î That was my cue to work my way back to the big white door. I made it to the milk house, where there , I saw were kittens playing around on the floor. I scratched their heads and grabbed the milkers. Making my way back through the big white door I place the milk machines between two cows. They looked at me with their black and white elongated faces as they knew what was about to happen. I went back to the milk house , grabb ing ed two more milkers , and , passing by the little kittens , I said “watch out little guys”. I made my way back out into the barn where I again noticed all of the cows watching every step I made. I placed the milkers between two more cows. They watched me closely but were not frightened. I ran my hand down one of the cows large head , saying to her ìWeíll get started in a minute girlî. I worked my way back to the milk house again, bringing out the last of the milkers. Once I set the last milker up, I went back to the milk house to start the milk pump up. I entered through the big white door, flicking the gray steel switch on, in the electric box, placed on the wall This sentence is a little confusing.. The roar of the milk pump startled the little kittens. They were so frightened that they ran back to the mother cat. Once , I had the milkers started, I headed back out into the barn, where I prepared the first cow to be milked.
As my father and I were milking, we noticed the sky begin to darken with little strikes of light flashing through the sky. As the storm approached the wind began to pick up, startling the cows in the barn. All of a sudden, rain started falling from the sky by the buckets and a great flash of light struck a tree along our road, taking out the power to the barn. Everything in the barn went dark and silent as a grave. Dad and I ran outside not paying any attention to the big booms of thunder and the great flashes of lighting. I ran and climbed up on the tractor attaching the generator, while dad ran over to the electric box. I slammed the tractor into gear steering the generator towards him. While the rain pounded me in the face, I watched as my dad connected the generator to the electric box. Without the generator our cows wouldnít have been able to get milked and when they donít get milked, they can become sick or uncomfortable. My dad and I had to hurry to make sure the cows could be milked as soon as possible. We finally got the generator connected and the power up in the barn. When we finished milking, we noticed that the power company had fixed the electricity, so dad and I went and disconnected the generator and put it back on the barn floor where I got it from.
As we completed milking for the morning, dad and I went up to the house for some of our own breakfast. We had completed the morning chores and milking and it was time to reward ourselves for our hard work. After the things we encountered, I will never forget that one morning. Just because the day started out great, things can fall apart really quickly, keeping us on our toes! This conclusion is a little weak, especially since the things that seem traumatic or memorable about this day are not handled in as much detail as the everyday aspects of the story. I feel like some structural alignment would have need changing in order to have this conclusion to the story.
Despite a rather weak conclusion, this is a really excellent narrative. You do an excellent job conveying the day-to-day aspects of your life and, while I like that you mentioned something specific that happened on this one day, it feels a little tacked on. That said, your story is evocative, informative, and clearly written with a specific and interesting perspective. Also, in the future, watch out, as you have a tendency to misuse commas and write rather confusing sentences. Visiting the Writing Center may prove useful in getting your papers into tip-top shape.